quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
