For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
