I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
