btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
