totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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