So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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