so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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