Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
