I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize