is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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