I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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