everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
