My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
