It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
