Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
