i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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