This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
