If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
