your parents love me but you hate me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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