are you so shy because you have an std?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
