matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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