it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
