yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
