dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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