WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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