I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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