And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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