I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
