I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
