I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
