i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
