I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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