I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
