my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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