Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
