dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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