You're my little dorito
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
