He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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