I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
