I just made out with a guy for $7.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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