It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
