i would punch a child for taco bell
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize