You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
