The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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