Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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