just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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