i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
