its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
