The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
