I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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