Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
