Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
