she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
so much tequila, so little girl.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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