TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
