best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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